Good communication skills and conversations on intimate relationships between
mothers and daughters have a positive influence on young people’s intimate
relationships, sexual development and behaviour. This study explores conversations on
intimate relationships between African mothers and their daughters in Mangaung
Township, Bloemfontein, South Africa. The willingness, extent, content, and quality of
communication on intimate relationships between daughters and their mothers, are the
main focus of this study. The responses of the research are juxtaposed and compared
to explore the respective angles, similar or divergent understandings and the barriers
encountered in these conversations. This is important because research indicates that
women are more vulnerable to sexually risky behaviour with the potential for serious
consequences such as unplanned pregnancies or HIV infection. In light of the high
prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and AIDs and unplanned
pregnancies it is essential to scrutinise the mother–daughter communication on intimate
relationships.
This qualitative study is guided by the interpretivist paradigm. Theoretical lenses
followed in the study include, phenomenology, existential sociology and feminist
perspectives. Nine in-depth interviews were conducted with mothers and their
daughters.
These mother-daughter conversations take place in diverse domestic situations and
fragile household compositions with the daughters’ fathers mostly being absent. In spite
of the complex family dynamics, both mothers and their daughters consider their
conversations on sex and reproductive health important. However, both parties were
reluctant to talk and conversation was often only initiated following a precursory event
(e.g. pregnancy or television programmes). The conversations were characterised as
didactic, confrontational, and instructional and framed by cultural mores. The mothers’
focus was to warn, threaten and discourage their daughters from sexual activities.
Certain topics like HIV and AIDS, pregnancy, menstruation were emphasised at the
3
expense of other topics. Pleasure and emotional aspects of relationships were rarely
considered. While the mother is the preferred primary source of information by both
mothers and daughters, the latter tend to talk more openly to their friends and felt they
received more information during sex education in schools.
The study shows that the mothers often feel poorly equipped to conduct effective
discussions on intimate relationships with their daughters because of embarrassment,
lack of knowledge and socialisation of silence around sexual topics. Generally in these
conversations sex has been reduced to a void and dangerous act and lack aspects
such as emotions, love, desire and pleasure and partner choices.