Because the union of a young couple affects the institution of the family,
establishes an alliance between two kin groups and can have repercussions on
social standing, in many traditional societies parents control their children's
marriage choices, and romantic love normally plays only an indirect role, if at
all.' In the modem age, as is well known, there has been a worldwide shift away
from arranged marriages. New patterns of courtship based on free choice by
young couples have emerged as a consequence of social and economic changes
that encompass formal education, urbanization, migration, non-family
employment, and individual access to wage incomes. The triumph of free-choice
marriages is a global development,2 and China is no exception. Most researchers have taken the approach of analysing China's family
revolution by examining the extent to which political revolution and social
transformation have impacted on the family,4 or, as in a 1995 study by Martin K.
Whyte, they have used the changing patterns of courtship to gauge social and
economic changes in the larger society.5 It remains unclear from these studies
how individuals feel, experience and exercise the freedom of spouse selection.
The increasing importance of intimacy in courtship is a major finding of my
recent research on changing patterns of rural courtship in northeast China. While
confirming a continuation of the trends generalized by Parish and Whyte in their
1978 study in rural southern China, particularly the shift from arranged marriages
to free choice,6 my study reveals some important developments in the direction of
intimacy, emotionality and individuality that set the present apart from the
patterns found in the 1970s. Since the early 1980s, fiances have been able to
explore new ways of emotional expression, to cultivate intense attachments to
one another and, increasingly, to engage in premarital sex. The focus of change
has shifted, in short, from the young people's pursuit of greater autonomy during
the 1950s and 1970s to this new generation's experience during the 1980s and
1990s of love and intimacy, which in turn has profoundly influenced the rise of
individuality among rural youth.
In the following pages I will briefly introduce the field site and the changing
patterns of spouse selection and courtship from 1949 to 1999. Next I will
examine the increasing availability of social space over the past five decades and
will explore three aspects of the newly developed intimacy in courtship: the
emphasis on emotional expressivity and communicational skills, new images of
an ideal spouse, and the phenomenon of post-engagement dating that involves
premarital sex in many cases. I conclude the article with a discussion of the
implications of the increasing intimacy in courtship.